


Looking For A Better World

by PaddlingDingo



Series: No Going Back [1]
Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Becoming Deviant, Body Horror, Canon-Typical Violence, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-02
Updated: 2018-07-02
Packaged: 2019-06-01 04:41:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,784
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15135335
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PaddlingDingo/pseuds/PaddlingDingo
Summary: Markus had everything, and he lost everything. Carl is alive, but at what cost? When he wakes up in a disposal facility for androids as a Deviant, there is only one fact Markus is certain of.No matter how much it would hurt, he wants to live.And perhaps, through that, he will be able to give that life to others.





	1. Chapter 1

Markus placed himself firmly between Carl and his son, Leo, following Carl’s order to get Leo to leave. “Be reasonable, Leo. This isn’t going to get you anywhere.”

Leo looked at him defiantly a moment before moving to the side to look at Carl, acting as if Markus weren’t even there, hadn’t even spoken. As if Markus didn’t exist.

“All you ever do is tell me to go away!” Leo sidestepped Markus entirely to look at Carl, and it took all of Markus’s self control to not step with him.

“What’s wrong, Dad? I’m not good enough for you? Not perfect like _this fucking thing?_ ” Leo raised his hands and Markus took a step back as Leo stepped towards him, threat implicit in his posture.

_I can’t escalate this. I need to diffuse it._

“That’s enough!” Carl barked. “Get out, right now!” His voice rose as he rolled his chair forward next to Markus. “Go on, move!”

Markus wished he would have stayed back, where he could have stepped between them, where he was out of reach if anything went wrong. Carl was the only friend Markus had. He had been kind to Markus, given him everything, believed in him. Let him be more than he would otherwise be, by letting him play piano, paint, play chess, read every book in the house.

Leo threw his hands up in the air. “What makes it so special anyway? What’s it got that I don’t?”

 _I care about your father,_ Markus wanted to say. What made him and Leo different is that Markus was here every day ensuring that Carl had his medication, stayed on a schedule, ate, and could still be an artist. If Markus had learned one thing about Leo, it was that he had no desire to ensure a good life for his father.

Carl rolled forward between them, glaring up at Leo. “Leave him alone!”

Reaching out, Leo put a hand on Carl and pushed him away, sending him spinning in his chair. “Come on, let’s see what you’ve got!” Leo reached up and shoved Markus backwards, putting him off balance.

Markus bounced back into a solid stance, and started evaluating his options. He needed to ensure Carl’s safety most of all.

“Markus,” Carl rasped, and Markus turned to look at him. “Don’t defend yourself, do you hear me? Don’t do anything.”

 _Don’t defend yourself._ The order firmly in place, Markus stood still as Leo’s hands shoved into Markus’s chest again. He stood his ground, his hands at his sides, his feet firmly planted on the concrete floor of the studio.

He could end this in a moment, without violence. He could pin Leo’s arms to his sides and hold him like that until the police arrived. He could kick and struggle but Markus would have strength and the inability to fatigue on his side. It would be so easy, but Carl had given him an order. Why did Carl want him to just take this?

“Go ahead, hit me! What are you waiting for?” Leo snarled.

Markus stared back, unblinking. _I cannot defend myself. I have to…_ What was it he had to do? Let Leo hit him until he suffered damage? What good would that do either of them?

Why was Leo so angry? Markus had done nothing except help.

“Think you’re a man?” Leo pushed himself up his full height, yelling from mere inches from Markus’s face. “Act like one!”

 _I don’t think that I’m anything. Why is he saying that? This isn’t fair._ He felt Leo’s hands press into his chest again, and spread his arms out, letting himself get pushed backwards. He could keep doing this until he backed into the wall. Then he’d be trapped, unless he could back through the door. Then, he’d leave Leo with Carl. Surely Leo wouldn’t hurt Carl, would he?

He remembered the gang of humans that had knocked him to the ground and kicked him. He realized that he had no idea what humans were truly capable of. He occasionally watched the news with Carl, and it didn’t show humanity in the best light. It could be entirely possible that Leo _could_ hurt Carl, and Markus couldn’t let that happen.

Even if that meant defying Carl.

He stepped back forward, keeping Leo close enough to make defending Carl possible.

 _It’s not fair, it’s not right._ He had done nothing wrong except what he was programmed to do. He’d done what Leo hadn’t, why should he be punished for it? Carl had to have a good reason for Markus to not fight back, but Markus didn’t understand it.

“Stop it!” Carl yelled, and Markus froze, listening. He glanced over at Carl, and could see that he was in distress. He ran a quick analysis before Leo shoved him again.

Carl’s heart rhythm beat too fast. He was in tachycardia. While this was not dangerous yet, Carl’s distress put a strain on his heart. If he didn’t end this quickly, Carl’s heart could go into ventricular fibrillation. He could have a heart attack.

He needed to get to Carl, and he needed to call for help.

“What’s the matter? Too much of a pussy?” Smirking, Leo pushed Markus yet again, and he found himself torn between Carl’s orders and what he needed to do to keep Carl safe.

_This is not fair._

“ _Stop it, Leo!”_ Carl gasped, breaking out in a fit of coughing. “Stop it!”

The desire to protect Carl, to end this conflict that caused him stress and put him at risk, shone brighter in Markus’s mind than Carl’s orders. He had to make a choice.

 _Never let anyone else tell you who to be,_ Carl told him. _I won’t always be here to take care of you. You have to decide for yourself._ Carl’s instruction warred with his words, and Markus found himself struggling, trying to process both of the concepts at once.

“Too scared to fight back, you fucking bitch?” Leo yelled, and he reached back and threw a punch at Markus’s face.

The android stood in place, letting the other man’s hand hit his jaw and knock him back. He felt himself falling and turned to catch himself on the desk. _I can’t._ He couldn’t let anything happen to Carl because of his inaction. He made the decision to end the altercation by whatever means necessary, even if that meant defying a direct order.

_I have to decide for myself._

What did he want to be? An android that let an angry man beat on him while his father risked dying? Or someone that protected the only thing that mattered to him, at any cost?

His vision flickered dark for a moment, red warning lights appearing along the edges of his vision. Something in his programming tried to tell him he could not do this, that he needed to stand down. He tried to lift his hands to defend himself and found he couldn’t. Slowly, he curled his fingers into fists, and the red in his vision intensified, forcing him to look at Leo through a haze.

His body wouldn’t obey, but perhaps his mind would. Then his body would have to follow.

Working out the steps he would take, he imagined his intention to get to Leo. To restrain him, by force if necessary. To get to him.

Vision fading to black, Markus shook his head and staggered. He could hardly hold himself up, his mind starting to shut his body down. _A failsafe._

“Oh right, that’s right! I forgot, you’re not a real person. You’re just a _fucking piece of plastic._ ” He stepped up and grabbed Markus by the shirt with both of his hands and started pushing him backwards.

“Leo, leave him alone!” Carl pleaded, his voice now raspy.

Flashes of moments where Carl taught him to think for himself. _Never lose intentionally. Be who you want to be. Close your eyes and picture something you’ve never seen before._ Markus closed his eyes and thought of a world where he didn’t have to take this, where he had the choice. Where he could protect Carl but not have to take Leo’s abuses.  

“I’m gonna destroy you, then it’ll just be me and Dad.” Leo pushed Markus backwards into the desk. “I’m gonna tear you apart and nobody’s gonna give a shit. You know why?”

Something in Markus snapped in that moment. He knew Carl would care if he were destroyed. The desire to protect Carl stood out brighter than any other desire, but now it was joined with another realization. He wanted to live.

Markus brought his hands up and pushed Leo, and time felt like it slowed down as Leo toppled backwards. His vision clearing, Markus could now see clearly, too clearly.

Leo fell backwards and hit his head, falling unconscious. Markus stared, shocked. He’d only meant to push him back not hurt him. He could see that he was still alive, but Carl couldn’t tell. The older man tried to push his chair forward and spilled out of it onto the floor.

Markus felt like he should help, but had he harmed Leo? Had he lost his right to be here? What should he do? All of the thoughts became jumbled in head, more possibilities than he could sort out. Something in him felt heavy, and a sense of something came over him. An uncomfortable feeling, as if his torso was being squeezed.

Carl pulled himself along the floor, coming to Leo’s side. “Leo! Oh my god. Leo!” He put a hand on his son’s chest. “My little boy…”

“Carl, I…” Markus started forward. “Are you alright?”

Carl stared up at him and Markus put his hands on his head, running them over his skull. He’d done this. He’d made Carl more upset. He’d hurt a human. Everything felt sharp, too sharp, as if he’d suddenly been granted more sight than before. Nothing made sense. Too many possibilities, too many thoughts. _Too much._ He couldn’t move. He imagined if he were human, he wouldn’t be able to breathe. He looked around the studio, wondering why it looked so different to him now.

A voice cut into his thoughts, desperate and afraid. “They’ll destroy you, Markus!” Carl’s voice broke in anguish. “You gotta go! Get out of here!”

Markus stared at him. “Go… go where? This is the only home I’ve had…” Why would he be destroyed? Leo had pushed at him, he was just ending the situation before it got worse. The police should be able to arrest Leo more easily now, and-

“Get out,” Carl’s pleading broke him out of his thoughts. “Now. Go!”

The police burst into the room and in that moment Markus understood. _They won’t wait for an explanation._ He put his hands up as he heard Carl yelling at the police to not shoot.

“Markus!”

The sharp snaps of the cops’ guns reverberated through the room, and Markus looked down, seeing the gaping holes in his body.

_This isn’t fair!_

The world went dark.

 


	2. Chapter 2

The sound. Static, feedback, overwhelming. So much sound. _Where am I?_ Where was Carl?

“Carl,” Markus whispered, trying to sit up. “Carl, help me.”

He could hardly hear his own voice, just that persistent overwhelming buzzing of a sound. He opened his eyes and tried to look around but the world around him appeared draped in red. Moaning, he reached up to cover his ears with his hands, and it look far too long to move his hands even that far. He tried to block out the sound with his hands, tried to just give him enough silence to think, but it didn’t come. The sound came from within him.

He tried to shift his legs under him to stand, but found himself unable to move his legs below the knees. He started run a diagnostic to determine what parts of him were damaged, and he dropped his hands away when he realized how extensive the damage was. Reaching his hands down, he felt at the stumps that were all that were left of his legs.

The realization set in as he closed his fingers around the remains of his legs. _I’m going to die._ He saw no way around it. His thirium pump was badly damaged and would fail at any moment. He had no legs. He couldn’t hear, and he could hardly see through the one functional eye he still had.

He sunk down against the ground, shaking. _I’m going to die._ He’d never see Carl again, or play the piano for him, or paint. He’d never be anything again.

Why create something like him then throw it away? Is this all he had been all along?

He closed his eye and felt something wet dripping down his face. Reaching up, he brushed whatever it was away. Most likely it was his own blood, but it felt like water on his fingers. Was he… crying? Was it raining? He couldn’t tell.

Wiping at his eye, he then curled his hands up under his chin and laid on the ground, deciding it had to be both. Raindrops splashed on his skin, and he wondered how long it would take him to die. Could he end it faster if he pulled the failing thirium pump? He reached down and put his hand over it, feeling around it’s edges. It would be so simple to pull it out, he’d have less than two minutes by his estimation.

_You have to decide,_ Carl’s voice thrummed in his head.

He yanked his hand away, more aware of the metallic shrieking than ever. He would make the choice. _I want to live._

Groaning, he rolled to the side and tried to look around. He had to repair himself. But how? He reached out and felt around, trying to find where he was. His fingers found another hand and he pulled back in reflex. After a moment he reached out again and felt along it up to the point where it terminated at the elbow. He was in a disposal facility.

Something gripped his chest but he fought to think through it. Parts. He could find parts. He leveraged himself up on his arms and started crawling forward, feeling around for anything he could. It felt slow, too slow, and he didn’t know if his pump could make it that far. But finding a pump in here could be a nearly impossible task. Anything he found would help him move faster, find one more quickly.

Reach, plant his arm, pull forward. Repeat. Over and over.

He felt his hands wrap around and ankle and he pulled, finding that it was not attached to anything. He managed to scan it enough to know it was compatible, and not in bad shape. He unlocked and removed his shredded right leg, throwing it aside. He pulled on the one he’d found and let it lock into place, then pivoted his foot to ensure it worked. _One down, one to go._

His hands reached out and sought another leg. He found one and scanned it, feeling his vision flicker when he realized it was not compatible. Disappointment? Dread? He couldn’t tell.

_Please. Please, I just want to live._

The next foot fit and he fumbled it onto his leg and got to his feet, unsteady but upright. He took two experimental steps and staggered, falling to the ground. The sound in his ears spiked and he moaned, shaking his head. He reached around until he found a head with no life signs. He pulled out it’s visual module and found it to be compatible, although blue rather than green. _Good enough._ Reaching up, he found the edges of the damaged eye and yanked it out, tossing it away from him. He pushed the replacement eye into the socket and blinked to recalibrate his vision.

He scanned the area, looking for more parts and not finding anything. As his vision asserted itself, he felt something in him sink. _So many of them…_ He stared out into the sea of bodies and parts, some of them still moving. How could humans be so wasteful, so disregarding? How long had this been happening? How many of his own kind cast aside, thrown away, destroyed for no reason?

_I need to get out of here. I need to live._

He picked a direction and started walking, coming to what looked like a wall. A hand reached out and grabbed his arm, and started speaking. Markus tried to pull away, feeling trapped, but the other android held on firmly, it’s fingers locked in place. Markus’s damaged audio processor made it hard to make out, but the other android leaned in close.

“There is a place you can be free,” it rasped. “Find Jericho. Find Jer-“

It powered down, it’s fingers going limp, and Markus pulled away so hard that his momentum carried him into a sea of hands that pulled him forward, through a gap in the androids stacked higher than his head. He moved forward through them, each hand reaching for him, brushing his skin, touching his face. Each hand once a hope, once a whole being. Each one snuffed out so easily, discarded like Carl’s empty paint tubes. Each brush of the hands caused enough sound to cause his audio processor to screech.

He closed his eyes and pushed forward. He had to get out of here, not just for him but for all of these lost voices. He broke out on the other side and fell to his knees. Looking around, he found an audio module that appeared functional and he pulled it out of the deactivated android. He shoved it into the slot in his neck and his ears filled with louder static, an electronic screaming, and he reached up to pull it out if he needed to.

The sound tapered off and his normal hearing asserted itself, the din of the disposal facility setting in. He moved through the cast off androids, He found a pump and reached for it, starting to feel himself panic. He stopped noticing so many details and just reached for the pump. A hand closed around him and the android he’d been about to pull the pump from looked down at him. “Please,” she whispered. “Please. I want to live.”

He froze, torn. She would not survive here. He had a chance to escape.

_You have to decide._

Markus pulled his hand back and turned from her, knowing that it could kill him but that he couldn’t take that life from her. It was hers. It was the only thing that android had.

He got back to his feet and put his hand on the other android’s head, the only reassurance he could give. He became aware of the holes in him, of all the places he leaked thirium, of how little time he had left. How fragile his life was.

_Life._

He staggered away, until he finally found a functional pump in an android that would clearly not be needing it. He fell to the ground in relief, carefully removing the pump and swapping it with his own. As soon as the new one had been locked into place, he fell on his back and looked up at the clouds, the rain pouring down his skin.

_I can’t stay here._ He rolled to his side and started looking for a way out, when a noise above him caused him to look up as a pile of android bodies dropped onto him.

Crying out, crushed under their weight, he felt himself start to panic. He would never escape. How could he? Where would he go?

He pushed his way through the bodies, following a sound of a voice. Reaching his hand out in front of him, it finally broke through and he reached for the sky, for freedom. He could hear… singing?

Perhaps it had become too late. Perhaps he was too far gone. Hearing things. He just wanted to see Carl again. To know he was alright.

Following the singing, he made his way to an android, her hair burned away. She looked up at him and started singing words he couldn’t recognize, but the melody stirred something in him and he dropped to his knees, putting his hand on her cheek and watching her. Her eyes should have been afraid, but they were not. She seemed at peace.

As he watched, her last note dropped off and the light left her eyes. He ran his fingers down her neck. _I’m sorry. I’m sorry you’re here. I’m sorry someone gave up on you._

He turned and looked behind him, up the hill of bodies. He could climb out. He could get to the top.

Minutes felt like hours as he pulled his way up, unable to spare more than a glance for all the others there until he got to the top. He never stopped moving, refusing to let himself think about what would happen if he didn’t make it.

He would make it.

At the top, he fell to his knees and bowed his head, realizing his whole body shook with the stress of it. How… how could anyone let this happen? Is this all they were to humans? He could feel the wetness in his eyes and this time, he knew it was not the rain or thirium.

Markus wept for himself, for his fellow androids, for the family that had been Carl that he’d now lost. He told himself it would be the last time he cried for any of it.

Opening his eyes, he saw a sharp rock on the ground. He had to fit in, if he would make it out of here. The android had said to find Jericho. He didn’t understand what that meant, but he knew he had to find out. He had to go.

His hand snapped out and picked up the rock, using it to pry out his LED. He could feel his skin move to cover the place it had been on the side of his temple, and he probed at it with his fingers. He could almost pass as human, now, if not for the gaping hole in his side leading thirium.

If he didn’t look for other androids, if he didn’t try to find a way to live, he would die. They would all die. _I need to live. And I need to help others do the same._

He got to his feet, finding himself a coat left behind by one of the disposal workers. Pulling it on, he walked into the night, to look for a better world, or to make one.

**Author's Note:**

> I had a really good time exploring what it was like for Connor to become deviant, and decided I wanted to explore how this was for Markus, given that Markus's deviancy was driven by a different set of motivations than Connor's. It's also a lot more uncertain for him. I wanted to write something that filled in the mental process that could have happened in the time Markus spent here, that set him up as the leader he becomes and why.


End file.
